As I type this, Diamond and Pedro are asleep, Phelan is off somewhere, existing, no doubt, as he tends to do. I am on the couch, and the house is silent. I've already done my makeup in an extravagant manner, and most other time wasting activities are unavailable to me, as I broke my glasses earlier in the evening a rather violent bout of trying to smother myself in my blankets (I do that a lot, don't worry about it).
I'm feeling rather introspective.
Life has been one crazy existential crisis after another lately, as tends to happen in the chasm of insanity that is the 18-28 age bracket. Lost is the structure and certainty of high school, not yet gained is the structure and obligations of Settling Down. It's a time of abundant freedom and copious bad choices. Within each, an opportunity to learn.
What all have I learned by the terrible choices I've made?
That I'm terrible at accomplishing mundane tasks, because they bore me and I don't want to do them.
That one of the tasks I need to accomplish is setting down a plan to speak to a psychiatrist, because while my manic episodes are fun, I don;t think anything through while in the midst of them, and my depressive episodes are really detrimental and painful to myself.
Life is more than A-to-B journeys. We are constantly told that we need to achieve a sustainable, comfortable life. I have a comfortable, sustainable life, and I work four nights a week at eight dollars an hour. Surely I can aim for something higher than this? If you know me at all, and I assume that almost all of my readership does, you know that I am never satisfied with sitting still. I want adventures throughout the world, and I want to discover things about myself and others that I never knew. I am an absurd person in a devastatingly boring world, because that's what we're told to want. Screw that, my dears.
Be whoever the hell you are, where ever you want to be. You've been told otherwise, don't even fib. But the fact of the matter is, you have one human life here on earth, and it would be a terrible shame to spend it being what someone else has told you to be. With the power of will, and scope of human ingenuity, you are truely capable of anything. Do you want to make a jousting tournament, with human steeds? Do that shit. Send me an invite, I'll sign up. That fact of the matter is, the limitations confining you are the limitations that you have defined. Once you're out on your own, you're in charge. Want to sell things on the internet instead of working a 9-to-5 shift? YOU CAN DO THAT. Go on the internet, list your goods, and get links out into the blogosphere. Want to have a dance party in a fancy dress? Boy, girl, or other, DO IT. Life happens in these tiny moments of pure freedom.
Some people don't want your help, and they will make you feel like shit. That doesn't mean you should give up. NEVER give up. When you make a mistake, get right with your conscience, what other people do is up to them.
Basically, and I can tell you this for damn sure, a life lived full of mistakes and experiences is far richer and more satisfying than a life lived in constant planning and preparation for what will happen one day.
Surviving isn't hard.
Now it's time to thrive.
|And remember, you're never too old for sweet robot rings.|