Of Mistakes Made and Lessons Learned

Ask not for consistency from me, dear readers, for it is not something I do well. In any case, I am back to ramble at you. I'm not entirely sure where this blog post will take me, but I suppose that's half the adventure.

As I type this, Diamond and Pedro are asleep, Phelan is off somewhere, existing, no doubt, as he tends to do. I am on the couch, and the house is silent. I've already done my makeup in an extravagant manner, and most other time wasting activities are unavailable to me, as I broke my glasses earlier in the evening a rather violent bout of trying to smother myself in my blankets (I do that a lot, don't worry about it).

I'm feeling rather introspective.
Life has been one crazy existential crisis after another lately, as tends to happen in the chasm of insanity that is the 18-28 age bracket. Lost is the structure and certainty of high school, not yet gained is the structure and obligations of Settling Down. It's a time of abundant freedom and copious bad choices. Within each, an opportunity to learn.

What all have I learned by the terrible choices I've made?

That I'm terrible at accomplishing mundane tasks, because they bore me and I don't want to do them.

That one of the tasks I need to accomplish is setting down a plan to speak to a psychiatrist, because while my manic episodes are fun, I don;t think anything through while in the midst of them, and my depressive episodes are really detrimental and painful to myself.

Life is more than A-to-B journeys. We are constantly told that we need to achieve a sustainable, comfortable life. I have a comfortable, sustainable life, and I work four nights a week at eight dollars an hour. Surely I can aim for something higher than this? If you know me at all, and I assume that almost all of my readership does, you know that I am never satisfied with sitting still. I want adventures throughout the world, and I want to discover things about myself and others that I never knew. I am an absurd person in a devastatingly boring world, because that's what we're told to want. Screw that, my dears.

Be whoever the hell you are, where ever you want to be. You've been told otherwise, don't even fib. But the fact of the matter is, you have one human life here on earth, and it would be a terrible shame to spend it being what someone else has told you to be. With the power of will, and scope of human ingenuity, you are truely capable of anything. Do you want to make a jousting tournament, with human steeds? Do that shit. Send me an invite, I'll sign up. That fact of the matter is, the limitations confining you are the limitations that you have defined. Once you're out on your own, you're in charge. Want to sell things on the internet instead of working a 9-to-5 shift? YOU CAN DO THAT. Go on the internet, list your goods, and get links out into the blogosphere. Want to have a dance party in a fancy dress? Boy, girl, or other, DO IT. Life happens in these tiny moments of pure freedom.

Some people don't want your help, and they will make you feel like shit. That doesn't mean you should give up. NEVER give up. When you make a mistake, get right with your conscience, what other people do is up to them.

Basically, and I can tell you this for damn sure, a life lived full of mistakes and experiences is far richer and more satisfying than a life lived in constant planning and preparation for what will happen one day.

Surviving isn't hard.
Now it's time to thrive.

And remember, you're never too old for sweet robot rings.

Yours sincerely,
Raven

Sorry For Being Gone!

Hello, dears!
     Should you be wondering why I vanished for a very, very extended period of time, my computer's charging port crapped out. Ordered a new DC/IN port, and a new power cord (since it was probably the gradual cause of the damage done to my port). Then came the eight thousand steps it takes to crack open a mac, disconnecting the old DC/IN from the motherboard, installing the new one, and putting everything back together. I kind of feel like a champ, actually.

     So, updates. Diamond has been through some crazy workplace shenanigans, and after some trying times, has landed at my Travelodge. She works the same shift I do, on my weekends, and some housekeeping shifts. Which means that we end up on opposite schedules, which is lame. But hey, thus is the life of a financially independent young adult.

     Also, Diamond and I will be moving to Denver in the upcoming year. I was initially hesitant, but the more I think about it, the more I want to go. There's more things to do and see, and more people there. Colorado Springs isn't much of a college town, and I think it shows. A lot of people are either in High School, or in the void left afterwards. I want to meet people who have interesting things to talk about, and don't sit in a basement smoking pot all day (I'm looking at you, an apparent three-fourths of our young adult population). And who knows, maybe I can go do things without having to be the one to foot the bill for a change :p

I've gotten WAY TOO INTO Tumblr, as was bound to happen really. It's a hub of humour and nerdism, and I just can't resist such things. Fandoms are my happy places. I've also started to watch K-Dramas, which are heart-rending. If you haven't watched any yet, dearest readers, don't. You will be crying on your floor. Or just really frustrated at the characters.

Except for Woo Bin, who will have none of anyone's bullcrap. 

I also joined a Sorority. Does that surprise you? Well, it's online. And it's a Pottermore Sorority. Silly you! We all just kind of post our lives at each other, and it's great XD My twin Ren added me to it, and it's been a good time. I've made some friends as weird as I am. I also need to plan a trip to New York. Partially so I can do a dance. It's gonna be sweet.

I look normal now, as well. I had my head split into halves, with black and purple hair for a while, But now I've dyed it dark brown for a spell, and that's okay as well ^^

I'm always an adventure, if nothing else.
This pretty much catches up the important things I've been up to, so I'll say farewell for now.

          Raven

"Fight Like A Girl" Album Review

 If you don't know who Emilie Autumn is, I will point you to two blogs that will help you out.

From Unlacing the Victorians, I blog that I personally love: http://unlacethevictorians.blogspot.com/2009/11/asylums-principle-inmate.html

From Stripy Tights And Dark Delights (Formerly the Ultimate Goth Guide): http://ultimategothguide.blogspot.com/2011/10/spotlight-on-emilie-autumn.html

It has now been about twenty-four hours since I got my hands on the newest album from Emilie Autumn, Fight Like A Girl. This album is part of a larger story, chronicled in Miss Autumn's book, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, which itself is headed for a stage debut (sometime in 2014, by all accounts). You can definitely hear that theatricality in this album. Some of the tracks sound downright destined for stage, and there are a number of tracks that I absolutely love. The overall feel of this album is more fun than Opheliac, which was rougher than this one. The post-production seems to have improved greatly, in my opinion, which makes me happy! I have a few thoughts down for each song on the 17-track album, so without further ado, my review of FLAG


Fight Like A Girl: The title track for this album. Now, as a personal preference, I don't like the screamies. It's never been my cup of tea, but I love this song regardless. It's infectious, and has been playing in my head a lot. It kind of makes you want to go fight someone!

Time For Tea: More screaming, but I love this song anyway. It's pretty fabulous, menacing and powerful. I love the little ditty she used! Because I'm at my most terrifying when I sound like a sweet little child ;p

Four o'Clock Reprise: An instrumental track. It sounds very much like a soundtrack. A few strains of music remind me of Phantom of the Opera.

What Will I Remember?: A delicate number, showcasing the softer side of Miss Autumn's vocal talents, instead of the strength we usually hear from her.

Take The Pill: Creepy, catchy, and dark. I really like this one! It's a powerful song, you can feel the sense of struggling against captivity. You'll be singing this one to yourself! This one goes back a bit to Emilie's industrial roots. It really makes me want to jump around. Take the pill, take the pill, take the pill, take the pill!

Girls! Girls! Girls!: Bouncy and fun, this song brings to mind traditional musical numbers. It's up-beat and exciting. It also makes me think of a dark carnival, so of course I love it! Happy, with an undercurrent of darkness, of course. This is Miss Autumn after all! Catchy, it's a good time. Makes you want to do the can-can! ;p

I Don't Understand: A short little exchange between an inmate, and a boy with a camera. It's cute, and low-tempo.

We Want Them Young: This one has some tribal-sounding drums in it, which was unexpected, but it work well. The violins work to lend an epic feel to it. One of my favorites, it's a dark song. Fear-mongering by the Doctors against women in the town, attempting to get more inmates. I wish it was longer.

If I Burn: Reminiscent of Opheliac-era, it's a strong track, with the vocal "pow!" we expect from Miss Autumn. You want to sing it at the top of your lungs, as a declaration of being stronger than even death. It's chock-full of righteous fury!

Scavenger: A tale of the man who's stealing women away to the asylum. He's paid by the doctors. He takes a sick pride in his work, in hunting down girls who wander down that street they know they shouldn't wander down, or coming in their houses through the door they don't lock. The solid, repetitive beat lends an air of tense anticipation.

Gaslight: One of my favorite songs on the album. The harpsichords are lovely, and  almost heartbreaking, paired with Emilie's singing voice, and the desperate lyrics. I find myself wanting to sing this one as loud as I can. You can feel the asylum girls being crushed by their conditions, and the death of their sisters-in-captivity.

The Key: This short, high-tempo number is more like a part poem, part call-to-arms than song. You can really see the stage aspirations this tale has here. This is where the attitude of the girls shifts from victim to warrior.

Hell Is Empty: Very short. Feels soundtrack-like, and a bit ethereal. You can hear the rats swarming =]

Gaslight Reprise: Another instrumental track. Very soft and sweet.

Goodnight, Sweet Ladies: This is a farewell to their fallen sisters. Less sad than you'd expect, it's a sweet chorus of voices paying their respects to these ladies' bravery. Very melodic and lovely.

Start Another Story: This is another short little track. Another one that feels it would be at home on stage in a musical. Simple, but full of hope.

One Foot In Front Of The Other: This is another one of my favorites! It feels like a victory march. It speaks of finding yourself after a battle. The chorus is wildly catchy! It may not be lyrically complex, but it's so much fun that it doesn't need to be. Another one that will be stuck in your head, in the best kind of way =]

All in all, I really like this album. It's $14.99 on the Asylum Emporium, which includes both the physical album sent to you, and a download link sent to your email which you has all the tracks, and can be used thirty times! I don't know why you'd need it that many times, but hey,why not? This album is a pretty good ride, and I'm looking forward to the tour and stage production =]

Asylum Store: http://www.asylumemporium.com/collections/featured-items

Eek! Labels!

We've all seen them. They flock around in groups, looking identical, convinced of their transcendence above normal, boring people. And we've all made fun of them, it's officially a cliche. So I'm going to depart from that particular path for a quick stroll through an alternative line of thought.
There's another group that irritates me (actually, there's a lot of people who annoy me, but I'm being specific right now). Label-phobic people. The ones who get pissed off at the thought that they could be classified them as a punk, jock, or emo. Because they are special and original and different, damn it! I find that this is most common in adolescents, probably because they still have this mindset of "There is not one single person like me in the entire world".
Well, sorry to break it to you, loves, but there are people very similar to you, spread around the whole world. And that's okay.
You don't need to be a solitary pillar. You can't bogart all the individuality in the world, there will be other people with the same weird characteristics as you. It doesn't make you any less yourself, not unless you change to avoid being classified.
For example, I'm a goth. I love things other people may consider dark or weird. I've been listening to original goth bands since birth (thanks Dad!). I love bats, and vampires (Unfortunately Necessary Disclaimer: Not Meyer's atrocities), everything Victorian, black leather, and boots (boots, boots, boots!).
Can some of those attributes belong to other people, as well? Yep.
Can you have all these attributes and not be a goth? Yep.
Do I love goth culture and self-identify with it? I do!
So, embrace who you are, even if there's been a label attached to it. Be a punk, or a metalhead, or a goth kid!

Ah, happy Raven's soul.

Quick Ramble about Phantom of the Opera

As anyone who knows me is aware, I love musicals. I was in theatre for four years, and I miss the hell out of it now that I've graduated.
One of my favorites, of course, is The Phantom of the Opera. Go ahead and guess my favorite character. I'll wait.

Yes, of COURSE it's the Phantom!
The Phantom shows the true nature of people. He's a creative genius, he's self-educated (and did a good job), cultured, and devoted. Yet, people have shunned him, beat and tortured him, because he didn't look right. No one ever admits their own responsibility in creating his madness. They simply start a hunt for him. I don't much care for the rest of the main cast. Raoul strikes me as a spoiled brat (which seems to me to be confirmed in Love Never Dies), and Christine is really just dumb. She let's herself be manipulated, and sides with whoever is providing the most security at the moment.

Short, rambly. It's four thirty in the morning, and I still have two and a half hours until my shift is over. You'll have to forgive me. A proper post shall be forthcoming!

Prerequisites

Apologies for wandering away, in case anyone had wondered where I'd been.
I have been jotting things down at the bus stop, but only bits and pieces, nothing quite well-rounded enough for me to post.
A quick recap of life lately:
My job is annoying, and the quest begins for a new one.
My coworker makes me want to punch her so hard she gets lung cancer. Which makes for fun angry poetry while waiting for the bus. I may perhaps pastably post it for you, because why not?
Also, a new DND campaign begins soon, joyfully! I'm a half-elf ranger, should anyone be interested. I'm still building upon my character, so any input would be welcome and fun.

Now, on to my actual topic! This struck me today while setting up breakfast, and I've been rolling the idea around for about an hour, which is more time than I usually spend musing on my topics. I don't mean this will be any less wandering and unstructured than any other post, mind you.

Onward!

This may stem from way too many hours spent playing Final Fantasy Tactics, but I feel that there's certain things that come with prerequisites. You can't be a knight before you've been a squire, after all.

For example, if you've never had a proper job, where bits of your money have been spirited away into taxes, you don't get to complain about them. You don't get to complain about how high taxes are, you don't get to complain about how tax dollars are spent, because they aren't YOUR tax dollars. What you do get to do is sit, and shut your trap.

If you're thousands of dollars in debt, because you have a credit card, a tendency to want things you don't have the money to buy, and poor impulse control, you don't get to complain about the National Deficit. It's quite easy to sit there and feel superior, but until you deal with your own irresponsible spending, you can't complain about anyone else's. Deal with your problems in-house before giving advice about everyone else's. Guess what you ARE intitled to do? Sit, and shut your trap.

Don't like pop music? Do you listen to it? If you do, then just stop. If you don't listen to the radio at all, then you don't get to complain! :D You haven't actually heard it, you just dislike the idea of it. Until you've had an extensive listen to your local Top 40 station, you don't get an opinion of anything it plays. Not out loud, anyway. You can think whatever it is you like in that head of yours. But until you've heard what you're critizing, you get to sit, put your headphones in, play whatever music it is you feel is deep and meaningful, and shut your trap.

Think a food is nasty that you've never had?
SIT...
Think someone's views are ignorant, but haven't actually listened to what they have to say?
...SHUT...
Think something is stupid when you know not a thing about it?
...YOUR TRAP!

Don't shake your hypothetical head at me, every single one of us is guilty of it.

So let's try and make the world a better and more understanding place, one ignorant shut trap at a time.

Much love,

Raven, your charming (and occasionally arrogant) blogmistress.

Thoughts, Sittin on the Bus.

I love being from Texas. Hang in there for a moment. I hate living in Texas, I'm glad I moved away. But Texas is a fun place to be FROM, for two main reasons. First, because you can make fun of Texas until judgement day, an that's good times. Second, it's an automatic pass to get away with anything. "She just ate a jelly, nutella, honey and jam triple-decker sandwich. That she deep fried. I'm really worried about her." "No, she's from Texas." "Oh, well that's fine." or "She just shot him!" "Born in Texas." "Oh, that explains it, nevermind." I could do ANYTHING! And everyone would just laugh!

Here's the problem with me walking home from the bus stop. My walking path takes me by a Walgreens and a gas station. Normally, I'd just walk on by, but I just got off work, and I'm tired as all get out, and sometimes it's cold. I'll stop in, just to warm up for a bit, and suddenly I'm in a magical wonderland of stuff that I had no idea I needed, until sleepy brain sees it. "Industrial-grade towels? Why have I been using these shitty normal towels?" "A pack of three hundred and sixty dice? This is so handy! What if I have a lot of people who suddenly want to play yatzee? Sure, I have extra cups, but without dice, we'd just end up throwing cups around! This purchase is an investment in keeping my cups safe!" Makes perfect sense, take my money, goodly cashier attendant!

I have to assume people at the bus stop are super tired, all of the time. There's no other excuse for how dumb they act. "Are you waiting for the bus?" Nope, I'm just sitting in the cold under the sign, waiting for a man with a briefcase. And don't use a stupid question to try and start a conversation. You had to ask three times, as I was disentangling myself from my headphones, just so I could give you a look, and say yes. I'm clearly not looking for someone to chat with.

One day, I will have a police box in my yard. You know what I'm talking about. I'll have a police box in my front yard, and there will be a sign, written in Toilken's elvish, Klingon and dark elvish. That sign will say "Inquire inside for information." I may even translate that into English, because I figure if you can recognize the languages, that's good enough. When they come to my door, I will have assorted Enterprise-shaped cookies prepared, and ask if they play DND. Of COURSE they do. And this is how I will recruit for campaigns when I'm a grown-up.

Speaking of lawn decorations, I also want lawn gnomes. Not a little cute lawn gnome or two. Somewhere around a hundred, big, creepy lawn gnomes (Like the ones from Fable, if you know what I'm talking about). And when I get bored, I will move them around in the middle of the night, so the neighbors wake up to see them in different formations. Occasionally, when I'm feeling particularly ornery, I'll put one or two in different places in other people's yards. When they bring them back, possibly with their newly-broken flamingo, I'll peek out the door, and when I see the gnome, I'll jump with a horrified look on my face. I'll speak in whispers and tell them hurriedly to put him anywhere, and then slam the door. Yes, they'll think I'm completely insane, but you know a part of them will always wonder if those things are evil little monsters from hell.