Friday, December 16, 2011

The Ooky Spooky Circus

Everyone else is getting a good number of posts in their blogs, and I feel a bit left out.
So, a topic I've been thinking of talking about for a while, the circus.
Now, when I say circus, what comes to mind depends on who you are. I've found that most people's brains go instantly to "Clowns! Cotton candy! Barnum and Bailey's!". If you are someone who thinks the way I do, however, you think "Aerial silks! Fire spinning! Cirque Berzerk!"
I will, of course, be shunning you Barnum folks, and talk about the shows that I love :]

I've wanted to run away to the circus for some time now. But when I dream my runaway dreams, I want to spin fiery hula hoops. The circus I dream of has aerial acrobatics done on silks hanging from the ceiling, fire-breathers, contortionists, red velvet curtains, vertical stripes, brocade, and the smell of dewy grass. My circus is in a patch-work tent, not an arena. Everyone looks a little unnatural, and maybe even a little magical. That's what I think a proper circus should be. It should make mundane people a little nervous, it should be a little risque, and it should be unforgettable.
But how on earth does one get into this kind of circus? Same as anything else, really. Schooling. As it turns out, there is a place with novice- to advanced-level classes on hoop dancing. At the advanced levels, you learn how to dance with your hoop while it's aflame. Your hula-hoop will be on fire. Yes. You can bet that I'll be signing up as soon as I'm feasibly able to. I would have never known something like that was around if I hadn't looked for it. So, if you like your circuses with a touch of burlesque, and a pinch of freak show, try doing a search. Find your favorite act, and look up classes. You just might find something just laying about. Between my imminent fire-spinning, and the belly-dancing classes my local community college has, I'll have enough alternative pastimes to keep me strange and happy for a good long while.
Happy hunting!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How a New Video Game is like a New Relationship

Eleven days ago, something beautiful happened. Skyrim. As I was round-house kicking people in the face to get to the front of the line, all I could think about was getting that game (And my map, because you know damn well I pre-ordered). That night, there was a gathering at my apartment around the playstation while I played. But as the days have gone by, and more people have save files on my hard drive, I've noticed a couple of things about having a brand-new game.

1) You Have a New Way to Spend All of Your Time.
   You guys know how it is. You get your new disk into your hands, and into the gamer cave you go. Your attention is on your game, you eat your meals at two forty-five in the morning, and your friends have already started pitching for your casket, because they just assume you died. And you don't care, because you're in the middle of the Dark Brotherhood, damn it! You don't need any distractions!
"Uhm, a choir? With chanting and stuff?"
And of course, everyone knows what happens when one of your friends gets in a new relationship. All they want to do is sequester themselves up with their new snuggle buddy, and learn everything about them. But of course, those plans may not exactly mesh with everyone else's...
2) Everyone Wants to Check Out the New Arrival
 Granted, this depends on if you have the same kind of nerdy friends as me. But let's be honest, if you aren't in a nerd herd, you aren't actually living your life. So, assuming you posses a pulse, you know what happens when you get a new game of epic proportions. "Can I play?" Granted, I don't mind all that much, but it's still kind of weird to walk out into my living room planning to play, and someone else is there XP Same thing, when a couple is all isolated and lovey-dovey. Who can resist kicking open the door and harassing the new arrival? No? Just me? Well I guess that's alright, I guess XP


I'm gonna let you finish your cuddling, but do you play FPS or RPG's?
It matters, by the way .-.

3) The Unavoidable Urge to Have a Makeout Sessions.
   ...What?

   ....Go Skyrim!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Identity Crisis

Everyone has an identity crisis. Multiple, even. It's a part of our personalities developing. And as much as everyone cringes at teeny-bopper mall goths, when they mature a little bit, it's so nice to see how they fill out, so to speak.

I will likely never grow out of identity crisis (crisises? crisi?). Welcome to being an ENFP. I'm constantly on a mission to uncover more of my personality, and I want to constantly grow as a person.
However, for some reason, this seems to come with people making an image of myself in their heads. A very false one.And yet I never argue. I stand back, and allow everyone to make me into what they need. The problem is that people often make me better than I am. I am no saint, and I am no angel. I am not always a good person.

In fact, I am pretty rarely a good person. I can't live up to the standards people set for me, and it's very stressful. I'd love to be perfect, in every way. Have a perfect brain, a perfect body, and a perfect soul. But I can't. As hard as I try.

I still get jealous. A lot. Too much, actually. My cardinal sin was once wrath, but over the years it 's shifted to envy. I'm jealous of everyone for what they have. Even stupid things. I'm jealous of the attention other people get from my loved ones, I'm jealous of beautiful people, I'm jealous of confident people, I'm jealous of people who have the time to be what they want to be. I'm jealous of people who don't hate their job. I'm jealous of my best friend's other best friend because she's much more beautiful than I. I'm jealous of my boyfriend's ex for no reason at all.

It may stem from low self-value. I don't care for myself, and I don't believe that anyone else does either. I thought for so long that that was a fact, that I find it hard to trust people. And once I do, and they betray my trust (Which everyone will do at some point, it's a fact of life. Everyone makes mistakes, and some of those will hurt you.), I can't ever fully let it go.
 I don't harbor resentment. I don't feel anger, or blame. Just hurt. I feel the pain of when someone shut me out of their life. I feel the pain of when someone had second thoughts. I try so hard to let go, but I'm afraid.

Maybe that when I fully heal, it will happen again. Maybe I'm afraid that if I don't keep hurting myself with these memories, I'll be tender and weak when I'm betrayed again. I'm afraid that I'll be alone again, even when people are around. The feeling of being isolated in a room full of people close to you is horrifying. I think I'm trying to protect myself.

But how long can I remain shielded from life?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Note From Your Housekeeper

Dearest guests,
Welcome to our fine (or at least habitable) establishment. My name is Raven, and I will be your housekeeper. I would like to leave you this list of tips to make your stay even more enjoyable, for ALL of those involved.
1) Common Courtesy, Clean Your Shit Up - I don't know if you leave your house a damn mess every day, and I don't care. No judgement here. That's what my room always looks like. But this ISN'T your house. When you check out, that mess doesn't magically disappear. Someone has to clean it up. And that someone is me. I don't have all day to clean your frozen exploded soda out of the fridge. How DID you get it to freeze that quickly? It was frozen to the fridge ceiling in a large quantity.

2) You Don't Need To Shave, That Beard Looks Smashing on You - You know what sucks? Cleaning hair out of a sink. Or a tub. Or a toilet. Why are you shaving over the toilet, sir? I find that to be an interesting choice. Hair is a bits to clean out. It sticks to everything EXCEPT what you're cleaning with. And it's apparently invisible until my manager does my room check, when it reappears in all of it's tub-soiling glory. And then I look like an idiot.

3) I'm Sure You're MegaFoxyHot, but Can You Refrain from Getting Baby Batter All Over The Mirror? - Pretty please. For the love of god. STOP GETTING YOUR BODILY FLUIDS ON EVERYTHING. I would appreciate it immensely. My idea of a good day is not cleaning love juices off of whatever weird surface you got it on. I don't need to know what gets you off. In fact, the less I know, the better.

4) You Know That Sign? Don't Pay Attention To It - That sign that says that I care about your comfort? It's a lie, I don't care. The one that says to ask me if you want anything? Don't, I don't care. Deal without it. You know that sign that says to ask when you want your sheets changed? Screw you. DO you change your sheets at home every day? No. I understand if your sheets got covered in...something, but if you just want you sheets changed for fun, you are an idiot and I hate you. I have twenty other beds to strip, sheet, blanket, fold, tuck, and put the comforter on. When you add more to that list, you extend my workday by fifteen minutes. That is not okay. I hate my job enough already.

5) That Envelope is for Tips, Not Decoration - Tip your housekeeper. I clean and restock your room, make your beds, and take out your trash every day that you stay. The least you could do is leave me a few bucks wen you check out. Not to mention, housekeepers take care of tippers. You leave us a tip, and your room will be clean, aired out and freshened, Your sink will be clean, your tub will be clean, your damn toilet will be clean. We'll give you extra coffe if we see that you drink it regularly, we'll even pick up your dirty clothes. If you're an ass, we don't care about you or your stupid room.

Following these easy tips will ensure that your housekeeper won't hate you. And you really don't want your housekeeper to hate you, I promise.

Much love,
          Raven

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Why, hello again!

It's been a but of a hectic few weeks. I've just moved into my first apartment, and the internet providers were being idiots. We're finally hooked up, though. Not to mention the fabulous beautiful television we've got hooked up to the PS3. I don't care if I'm poor, so long as I get to play Oblivion in HD :3
I know this isn't a proper post, it's more of a notice that I do in fact exist still, and that I didn't do that thihng people very often do where they post three or four blogs and then forget about it.
I promise, a post of actual interest will be coming soonish!

Toodles,
          Raven



Saturday, August 6, 2011

Employment, and Moving Day

I have been too insanely tired to write lately.
The good news is, I have a job! The bad news is that it sucks XP I work at a motel doing housekeeping, and it's so exhausting. And my shifts end up being a lot longer than they should because I'm still pretty slow. So I may be pretty scarce for a bit, because when I get home, all I want to do is sleep XP
In other news, today is moving day! Diamond and I will be moving into our apartment today, so that's pretty exciting. I can't wait to have a kitchen I'm allowed to be in. I've been losing too much weight much too quickly because I haven't been eating well. So food will be exciting! :D
  Long day ahead of me!
         Raven

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What an interesting day today has turned out to be.

Ah, my dear internets. What an eventful day today has been.
 It started with a trip the dentist. Well, oral surgeon, technically. In any case, the man who made hurty holes in my mouth where my wisdom teeth used to be. Today was my checkup, to which I'm glad to report I am doing dandy. All is healing up as planned and such. And then I went home.

 Now, dearies, my current living situations have always been temporary. I'm living with my best friend of six years, Diamond. Diamond is still living with her mother, who is, in her words "The kind of person who makes you think 'Okaaaayyyy........?"". She's prone to screaming at Diamond for hours for no particular reason, playing one scene of her movie on loop, while simultaneously playing her stereo as loud as it can go, and obsessively cleaning the house (whether the room has been dirtied in the slightest or not). She is definitely some kind of strange.
 Today she decided she needed to "talk to" Diamond, which escalated into her screaming about how selfish and manipulative Diamond is and how anyone who says otherwise is a liar, which escalated into how Diamond and I have to get out of her *profanity profanity profanity* house. So Diamond and I spent the day looking for apartments we could viably move into.

 Now, we've been staying in the same room for a while now, and two-bedroom apartments aren't much more expensive than one-bedrooms. So, if we were to find a third roommate, rent would be down to an affordable level (around 250 per person per month, since I don't have a job yet and can't contribute to rent). Luckily, we found someone almost immediately who had a full-time job and wanted to move out. It was a friend of ours, and during the course of the day, we solidified our plans and started talking about the things we'd need in the new apartment. This evening, he went home to tell his mom about his choice to move out. Two minutes later, he completely backed out, and was pretty rude about it, too. And then he got offended when our facebook search for someone else made him sound unreliable. He got a piece of my mind about that, too.

 We've found someone else now, and it's looking like she'll be more reliable (and she's making her own decisions for herself), so we should be moved out by next week.
 And tomorrow morning I'm picking Colin to help me get the couch into my vehicle, that Diamond and I are purchasing off of Ye Olde Craigslist!
 Also, on Friday, Diamond, Colin, and I are having a Lord of the Rings marathon ;p Extended editions.

 So this was MY day! A bit crazy. And I apologize for all my posts being about my life. BUT! I will have some posts about crafties or snacks when I'm a bit more settled in. Promise!

   Talk to you all later!
          Raven

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Burning Burnination!

I don't know how many of you have gotten your wisdom teeth pulled, but according to statistics, most of you have. So you understand the Horrible Agonizing Pain! that I'm currently in. My new daily routine involves a lovely process of using a plastic syringe to wash four holes in my mouth with salt water. BECAUSE FOOD CAN GET STUCK IN THERE 0_0. Isn't that a lovely mental image? So I spend my time in either agonizing pain, or all looped out on 100 mg each of Hydrocodone and Ibuprofen. And since DayQuil makes me cuddly, I've been a squishy ball of cuddly hugs XD So my time's been spent being giggly, cuddling, and being in awful pain. So forgive me if anything I post in the next week or so is not as terribly cogent as I'm capable of.
   See you later, folks!
          Raven

Friday, July 8, 2011

Mostly for the younguns, to learn what I've been taught.

Hey, internet populace!
 I'm not entirely sure this post will be applicable to anyone but adolescents, but I've decided to share some things I've learned.
 Moving out was a pretty intense experience. I have never been a very family-oriented sort of person, mostly because I am ridiculously self-sufficient (I may cover why that is some other time, but this is not a "woe is me, my life has been hard" sort of post). However, the experience of both moving out, and then driving from Texas to Colorado was insane (I had maybe thirteen hours of driving experience, and nearly doubled it in a day. Also, it was my first time on the interstate). As much as I was a mature person beforehand, I was forced to be even more practical and *gulp* grown-up than ever. As the past couple weeks have progressed, I've learned a few new things, in addition to prior knowledge, and I'd like to share what I can to maybe make someone else's time of it a little easier. So, without further ado, here is some advice for you:

1) As much as you may not exactly mesh with your family, try to learn all you can from them. Even if they don't make the best decisions, the fact that you see that already means you've learned from them. Try to understand their successes and failures. This is valuable information, especially if you end up in a similar situation one day. Being able to avoid pitfalls or capitalize on fortuitous situations can make your life much, much easier. Even if what you learn doesn't end up helping you, you may be able to give someone advice when they're in a tough spot.
 Which brings me to my next point.
2) Help other people out whenever you can. As much as you may hear to the contrary, the barter system is very much alive. If you can help someone out in a time of crisis, or even just a time of mild irritation, they're likely to want to help you out when you need it. I don't mean that you should spend all of your money helping an acquaintance get some snazzy new banisters for his staircase, but if you can make someone dinner, let them crash on your couch, put in a good word for them at work, or even just give them a jump, you should. It's not a huge amount of trouble, and lots of times you'll have a friend you can depend on if you need some help in the future.
 Which reminds me
3) Friends. Friends are one of the best things to have when you're out on your own. I am staying at my best friends' house while I search for a job,  I've had another friend drive out to give me a jump start in the middle of the night when my vehicle's battery died (twice >_<), and my boyfriend's dad is going to charge up my battery so that this will stop happening. I've saved tons of money by eating a meal at a friends house every once in a while, which is insanely important when you're living off of the Wal-Mart gift cards I got as a graduation present. And all of those benefits came for a grand total of four people. You who are more well-endowed with friendship sparkles will probably find things even easier to accomplish. Friends are a support system, and (unless they are of the fair-weather variety) they will always be there when you're in a bind. Friends are the family you choose, and they'll take care of you, just like you take care of them.
4) Apply for jobs now. Right now. RIGHT. NOW. I am so beyond serious. I know there's a million reasons you can probably think of to put it off, but having job experience is so valuable, you can't even imagine. I have never had a job before, and now I'm applying like mad in a desperate attempt to get hired by ANYONE. Especially during the summer, when all the high school kiddies are out snatching up jobs left and right, someone with a naked job history, has a really hard time getting any kind of employment. Furthermore, when you do get a job, work hard. Especially at the beginning, you should aim to make yourself indispensable. That way, if your Place of Employment should need to make a few cuts, you won't find yourself tossed out. As much as I wish the world ran on silly grins and delicious snacks, it runs on cold hard cash.
5) Take care of yourself. I know you've likely heard it a million times (I know I did), but make sure you stay healthy. Eat right, try to take a walk when you can. I never realized how important it was until I was (and still sort of am) living off of one cup 'o noodles a day. All of a sudden, my sleep schedule went crazy, I was tired all the time, my back would be sore even more often than usual, and I was annoyingly emotional (whereas I am usually one of the most rational and calm people you'll meet). I didn't really put two and two together until I went to Diamond's grandparents' house for Independence Day. Now, Diamond's grandparent are traditional black folks, so I was surrounded by a feast of delicious food. I took my plate, and filled it up with corn and green beans, and that was all I ate. I couldn't even stand to eat anything else. My body needed vitamins, and it told me. I finally woke up a bit, and could function a little better. You don't realize how important nutrition is until you aren't getting it. So while it may save some cash to buy cheap junk, try to look for bargains on fruits and vegetables, get some eggs and milk, and integrate those into your diet. Most stores will have deals on produce when it starts getting closer to it's expiration date, so you can get some good stuff for dirt cheap if you eat it soon. Also, one thing that have been immensely helpful, is examining the price stickers on food. Many stores have something like a "Unit Price" or "Price per Ounce" section on the shelves (albeit a very small section). Some different brands will try to confuse you by selling their version of a product for cheaper, when it has less of it in the container. The unit price will tell you how much you're spending per set unit of the product, so you can find out what the best value really is. Combine this with a little coupon savvy (there's tons of great apps for that) and you'll save a bundle at the grocery store.

Let me know if this helped any of you out at all. I really hope some of you can take the things I've learned and use it to your benefit.
  Until next time,
          Raven

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Let's get with the introductions!

Hey there, internet populace!
 Welcome to my brand new blog. I actually am not entirely sure what it will be about yet. Knowing me, it will be a hodge-podge of things, like sewing tutorials for (appropriately spooky) crafts and clothes, bits and pieces of my life, Victorian shenanigans, and my opinions.
 Now, if you're wondering about me (and I imagine you would be, if only a little), my name is Raven. Now, just to clarify, my name is actually Raven. It isn't a pseudonym I made for myself to sound like the very most ooky spookiest of folks. Maybe I'll talk about the origin of my name another time. I'm an 18 year old, who has recently taken a twelve-hour car-venture to Colorado, where I am now living. I'm staying with my best friend, Diamond, while I search for a job. After which I plan to move into an apartment somewhere-abouts and be an adult and such.
 Things you may run into on this blog, should the mood strike me, include:
Goth-y Goodies
Victorian Obsession
Piercing and Tattoo love
Reflections on the Nature of People
Psychology
General Geekery
Nifty Crafts
And Literary Worship

Welcome to the blog, ladies and gents!