How a New Video Game is like a New Relationship

Eleven days ago, something beautiful happened. Skyrim. As I was round-house kicking people in the face to get to the front of the line, all I could think about was getting that game (And my map, because you know damn well I pre-ordered). That night, there was a gathering at my apartment around the playstation while I played. But as the days have gone by, and more people have save files on my hard drive, I've noticed a couple of things about having a brand-new game.

1) You Have a New Way to Spend All of Your Time.

   You guys know how it is. You get your new disk into your hands, and into the gamer cave you go. Your attention is on your game, you eat your meals at two forty-five in the morning, and your friends have already started pitching for your casket, because they just assume you died. And you don't care, because you're in the middle of the Dark Brotherhood, damn it! You don't need any distractions!

"Uhm, a choir? With chanting and stuff?"

And of course, everyone knows what happens when one of your friends gets in a new relationship. All they want to do is sequester themselves up with their new snuggle buddy, and learn everything about them. But of course, those plans may not exactly mesh with everyone else's...

2) Everyone Wants to Check Out the New Arrival

 Granted, this depends on if you have the same kind of nerdy friends as me. But let's be honest, if you aren't in a nerd herd, you aren't actually living your life. So, assuming you posses a pulse, you know what happens when you get a new game of epic proportions. "Can I play?" Granted, I don't mind all that much, but it's still kind of weird to walk out into my living room planning to play, and someone else is there XP Same thing, when a couple is all isolated and lovey-dovey. Who can resist kicking open the door and harassing the new arrival? No? Just me? Well I guess that's alright, I guess XP

I'm gonna let you finish your cuddling, but do you play FPS or RPG's?

It matters, by the way .-.

3) The Unavoidable Urge to Have a Makeout Sessions.

   ...What?

   ....Go Skyrim!

Identity Crisis

Everyone has an identity crisis. Multiple, even. It's a part of our personalities developing. And as much as everyone cringes at teeny-bopper mall goths, when they mature a little bit, it's so nice to see how they fill out, so to speak.

I will likely never grow out of identity crisis (crisises? crisi?). Welcome to being an ENFP. I'm constantly on a mission to uncover more of my personality, and I want to constantly grow as a person.
However, for some reason, this seems to come with people making an image of myself in their heads. A very false one.And yet I never argue. I stand back, and allow everyone to make me into what they need. The problem is that people often make me better than I am. I am no saint, and I am no angel. I am not always a good person.

In fact, I am pretty rarely a good person. I can't live up to the standards people set for me, and it's very stressful. I'd love to be perfect, in every way. Have a perfect brain, a perfect body, and a perfect soul. But I can't. As hard as I try.

I still get jealous. A lot. Too much, actually. My cardinal sin was once wrath, but over the years it 's shifted to envy. I'm jealous of everyone for what they have. Even stupid things. I'm jealous of the attention other people get from my loved ones, I'm jealous of beautiful people, I'm jealous of confident people, I'm jealous of people who have the time to be what they want to be. I'm jealous of people who don't hate their job. I'm jealous of my best friend's other best friend because she's much more beautiful than I. I'm jealous of my boyfriend's ex for no reason at all.

It may stem from low self-value. I don't care for myself, and I don't believe that anyone else does either. I thought for so long that that was a fact, that I find it hard to trust people. And once I do, and they betray my trust (Which everyone will do at some point, it's a fact of life. Everyone makes mistakes, and some of those will hurt you.), I can't ever fully let it go.
 I don't harbor resentment. I don't feel anger, or blame. Just hurt. I feel the pain of when someone shut me out of their life. I feel the pain of when someone had second thoughts. I try so hard to let go, but I'm afraid.

Maybe that when I fully heal, it will happen again. Maybe I'm afraid that if I don't keep hurting myself with these memories, I'll be tender and weak when I'm betrayed again. I'm afraid that I'll be alone again, even when people are around. The feeling of being isolated in a room full of people close to you is horrifying. I think I'm trying to protect myself.

But how long can I remain shielded from life?

A Note From Your Housekeeper

Dearest guests,
Welcome to our fine (or at least habitable) establishment. My name is Raven, and I will be your housekeeper. I would like to leave you this list of tips to make your stay even more enjoyable, for ALL of those involved.
1) Common Courtesy, Clean Your Shit Up - I don't know if you leave your house a damn mess every day, and I don't care. No judgement here. That's what my room always looks like. But this ISN'T your house. When you check out, that mess doesn't magically disappear. Someone has to clean it up. And that someone is me. I don't have all day to clean your frozen exploded soda out of the fridge. How DID you get it to freeze that quickly? It was frozen to the fridge ceiling in a large quantity.

2) You Don't Need To Shave, That Beard Looks Smashing on You - You know what sucks? Cleaning hair out of a sink. Or a tub. Or a toilet. Why are you shaving over the toilet, sir? I find that to be an interesting choice. Hair is a bits to clean out. It sticks to everything EXCEPT what you're cleaning with. And it's apparently invisible until my manager does my room check, when it reappears in all of it's tub-soiling glory. And then I look like an idiot.

3) I'm Sure You're MegaFoxyHot, but Can You Refrain from Getting Baby Batter All Over The Mirror? - Pretty please. For the love of god. STOP GETTING YOUR BODILY FLUIDS ON EVERYTHING. I would appreciate it immensely. My idea of a good day is not cleaning love juices off of whatever weird surface you got it on. I don't need to know what gets you off. In fact, the less I know, the better.

4) You Know That Sign? Don't Pay Attention To It - That sign that says that I care about your comfort? It's a lie, I don't care. The one that says to ask me if you want anything? Don't, I don't care. Deal without it. You know that sign that says to ask when you want your sheets changed? Screw you. DO you change your sheets at home every day? No. I understand if your sheets got covered in...something, but if you just want you sheets changed for fun, you are an idiot and I hate you. I have twenty other beds to strip, sheet, blanket, fold, tuck, and put the comforter on. When you add more to that list, you extend my workday by fifteen minutes. That is not okay. I hate my job enough already.

5) That Envelope is for Tips, Not Decoration - Tip your housekeeper. I clean and restock your room, make your beds, and take out your trash every day that you stay. The least you could do is leave me a few bucks wen you check out. Not to mention, housekeepers take care of tippers. You leave us a tip, and your room will be clean, aired out and freshened, Your sink will be clean, your tub will be clean, your damn toilet will be clean. We'll give you extra coffe if we see that you drink it regularly, we'll even pick up your dirty clothes. If you're an ass, we don't care about you or your stupid room.

Following these easy tips will ensure that your housekeeper won't hate you. And you really don't want your housekeeper to hate you, I promise.

Much love,
          Raven

Why, hello again!

It's been a but of a hectic few weeks. I've just moved into my first apartment, and the internet providers were being idiots. We're finally hooked up, though. Not to mention the fabulous beautiful television we've got hooked up to the PS3. I don't care if I'm poor, so long as I get to play Oblivion in HD :3
I know this isn't a proper post, it's more of a notice that I do in fact exist still, and that I didn't do that thihng people very often do where they post three or four blogs and then forget about it.
I promise, a post of actual interest will be coming soonish!

Toodles,
          Raven

Employment, and Moving Day

I have been too insanely tired to write lately.
The good news is, I have a job! The bad news is that it sucks XP I work at a motel doing housekeeping, and it's so exhausting. And my shifts end up being a lot longer than they should because I'm still pretty slow. So I may be pretty scarce for a bit, because when I get home, all I want to do is sleep XP
In other news, today is moving day! Diamond and I will be moving into our apartment today, so that's pretty exciting. I can't wait to have a kitchen I'm allowed to be in. I've been losing too much weight much too quickly because I haven't been eating well. So food will be exciting! :D
  Long day ahead of me!
         Raven

What an interesting day today has turned out to be.

Ah, my dear internets. What an eventful day today has been.
 It started with a trip the dentist. Well, oral surgeon, technically. In any case, the man who made hurty holes in my mouth where my wisdom teeth used to be. Today was my checkup, to which I'm glad to report I am doing dandy. All is healing up as planned and such. And then I went home.

 Now, dearies, my current living situations have always been temporary. I'm living with my best friend of six years, Diamond. Diamond is still living with her mother, who is, in her words "The kind of person who makes you think 'Okaaaayyyy........?"". She's prone to screaming at Diamond for hours for no particular reason, playing one scene of her movie on loop, while simultaneously playing her stereo as loud as it can go, and obsessively cleaning the house (whether the room has been dirtied in the slightest or not). She is definitely some kind of strange.
 Today she decided she needed to "talk to" Diamond, which escalated into her screaming about how selfish and manipulative Diamond is and how anyone who says otherwise is a liar, which escalated into how Diamond and I have to get out of her *profanity profanity profanity* house. So Diamond and I spent the day looking for apartments we could viably move into.

 Now, we've been staying in the same room for a while now, and two-bedroom apartments aren't much more expensive than one-bedrooms. So, if we were to find a third roommate, rent would be down to an affordable level (around 250 per person per month, since I don't have a job yet and can't contribute to rent). Luckily, we found someone almost immediately who had a full-time job and wanted to move out. It was a friend of ours, and during the course of the day, we solidified our plans and started talking about the things we'd need in the new apartment. This evening, he went home to tell his mom about his choice to move out. Two minutes later, he completely backed out, and was pretty rude about it, too. And then he got offended when our facebook search for someone else made him sound unreliable. He got a piece of my mind about that, too.

 We've found someone else now, and it's looking like she'll be more reliable (and she's making her own decisions for herself), so we should be moved out by next week.
 And tomorrow morning I'm picking Colin to help me get the couch into my vehicle, that Diamond and I are purchasing off of Ye Olde Craigslist!
 Also, on Friday, Diamond, Colin, and I are having a Lord of the Rings marathon ;p Extended editions.

 So this was MY day! A bit crazy. And I apologize for all my posts being about my life. BUT! I will have some posts about crafties or snacks when I'm a bit more settled in. Promise!

   Talk to you all later!
          Raven

Burning Burnination!

I don't know how many of you have gotten your wisdom teeth pulled, but according to statistics, most of you have. So you understand the Horrible Agonizing Pain! that I'm currently in. My new daily routine involves a lovely process of using a plastic syringe to wash four holes in my mouth with salt water. BECAUSE FOOD CAN GET STUCK IN THERE 0_0. Isn't that a lovely mental image? So I spend my time in either agonizing pain, or all looped out on 100 mg each of Hydrocodone and Ibuprofen. And since DayQuil makes me cuddly, I've been a squishy ball of cuddly hugs XD So my time's been spent being giggly, cuddling, and being in awful pain. So forgive me if anything I post in the next week or so is not as terribly cogent as I'm capable of.
   See you later, folks!
          Raven